With the event looming ever nearer, let us examine the record of âone of the favourites for the World Cup.â
1930: Thought it was beneath them/couldnât be bothered.
1934: Thought it was beneath them/couldnât be bothered.
1938: Thought it was beneath them/couldnât be bothered.
1950: Discovered it wasnât. Quite the reverse.
Eliminated in first round, famously, in Belo Horizonte, losing to USA 1-0.
An omen? (Also lost 1-0 to Spain.)
1954: Quarter-final, lost to Uruguay 4-2.
1958: First round play-off. Lost to USSR 1-0.
1962: Quarter-final, lost to Brazil 3-1.
1966: Downhill, with a following wind, a suspicious late switch of semi-final venue, not to mention a compliant Azerbaijani linesman, (take a bow, Tofik Bakhramov) drew in final 2-2 with West Germany, then âscoredâ twice in extra time.
1970: Quarter-final, drew 2-2 with West Germany; lost 3-2 after extra time.
1974: DNQ!
1978: DNQ!
1982: Drew 0-0 in second round (effectively the quarter-finals) not only with West Germany but also with Spain. Eliminated.
1986: Quarter-final, lost 2-1 to Argentina (or, if you like, to the hand of God.)
1990: Semi-final! (which they only reached because Cameroon couldnât be bothered to sit on a lead.) Drew 1-1 with West Germany after âbest goalkeeper in the worldâ cannot take two steps backwards at a free kick. (1-1 aet.) Lost on penalties.
1994: DNQ!
1998: Second round. Drew 2-2 with Argentina. (2-2 aet.) Lost on penalties.
2002: Quarter-finals. Lost 2-1 to Brazil. Yet another âbest goalkeeper in the worldâ couldnât stop a lobbed free kick.
2006: Quarter-finals. Drew 0-0 with Portugal. (0-0 aet.) Lost on penalties.
Out of seventeen tournaments only one final – and that at home.
Six no-shows, two first round failures, one (or two) second round exits, four (or five) quarter-final defeats, one loss at the semis stage.
Itâs obviously going to be a skoosh, lads.