Dobson Science Fiction, 1968, 158 p.

Oh dear. The past really is a different country. This book has not worn at all well. I can see that in its day it was intended to be humorous but its humour is aimed at easy targets. It also displays just about every “ism” you could list. Racism, anti-semitism, sexism – as well as jibes about the Irish and Italians, while Hispanics are routinely dubbed “wetbacks” by the characters, many of whom are themselves out of central casting. It also panders to the “humanity is uniquely gifted” school (if in an outrageously obtuse way.) This is a pity because I had remembered the author’s “Retief” and “Worlds of the Imperium” stories with some nostalgia.

As to the plot: everyday life is interrupted one day by the television on a pub wall demanding attention for an “announcement of vital importance.” This is from “the Tersh Jetterax” to the citizens of Earth announcing a new regime has taken over. An indication of these invaders’ superior powers is that their broadcast is not prevented even when the television is turned off and then unplugged from the wall. The announcement is immediately followed by men in yellow uniforms disgorging from huge airship-like ships. These are the Monitors of the title, who from now on will regulate daily life and are able somehow to control humans’ behaviour if it is threatening or unco-operative. Among the other sour notes is one where viewpoint character Ace Blondel, under (totally non-violent) persuasion to accept the Monitors’ rule, is shown a classroom recording. During this scene a teacher warns a pupil, “you’ll be back down to Mr Funder’s office quicker’n a nigger’ll steal whiskey.”

Blondel manages to get himself away from the city but never fully from the Monitors. Every human he meets (most of whom are thick as mince) gets the wrong end of the stick of his conversational gambits, representations which rapidly become tedious, but Laumer has some fun with the typical bone-headed right-wing type response, as exemplified by self-styled General Blackwish, of attributing the invasion to “borscht-and-vodka-swilling” Reds. Some idea of the level of humour is given by organisations whose acronyms read as SCRAG and CHANCRE, while the introduction of Nelda Monroe seems included solely to provide a one-dimensional (and illustrative of sexist wish fulfillment) representation of insatiable womanhood. If this is humanity then the Monitors are profoundly better. At least Blondel seems to recognise this as – on behalf of humanity as a whole – he comes to an accomodation with them.

File under: well past its sell-by date.

Pedant’s corner:- “a squad .. were” (a squad … was,) “‘Don’t ast’” (ask,) bannistered (banistered,) kidnaping (kidnapping,) focussed (focused.) “‘Our network …. were planned’” (was … planned,) good-by (goodbye,) a World War One veteran says he ‘took a Jerry 88 millimeter right through the gonads.’ (the German 88 millimetre anti-aircraft/anti-tank gun was not developed till the 1930s.) “All that was left were a pair of …” (all that was left was a pair of …,) “like baby elephants trunks” (like baby elephants’ trunks.) “There were a number of apparati” (‘There was a number’; and the Latin plural of apparatus is ‘apparatus’, the English plural is ‘apparatuses’ but ‘pieces of apparatus’ is also common.)