One of the exasperating – or (occasionally) amusing – aspects of being a member of the teaching profession is the unexpected answer.

Some of these become less unexpected as time goes by. I lost count early on in my career of the number of times I read of a “bouncin” burner in a pupil’s responses. This is of course due to how Fife kids pronounce “bouncing” – and to the way Scots say Bunsen with an “oo” sound as in the original German rather than the “uh” English folk use.

Often a written answer can be baffling (where on Earth did they get that from?) but on extremely rare occasions one of these slightly wayward attempts is startling or even utterly brilliant in a surreal kind of way. I had one of these last year as an answer to the test question, “What name is given to someone who is dependent on alcohol or drugs?”

I can write about this now as the relevant course and question is no longer part of the Scottish curriculum.

The response of this particular pupil was misspelled compared to the marking scheme’s wording (but that was obviously what she intended and so I had to give her the mark – not that what she actually wrote could be said to be wrong in itself, as it is in many ways a totally accurate description.)

So what was this unintentionally magnificent reply to the question, “What name is given to someone who is dependent on alcohol or drugs?”

“a dick.”