Monty Python, thou should’€™st be living at this hour! Coldplay hath need of thee. (To send them up.)

Imagine the scene.

Prelude to the battle of Cannae. Massed Roman legions about to face up to Hannibal’s army.

Hurrah! The Roman cavalry rolls up, the day is surely ours!

And then they line up, tallest at the back, and start singing?

What, I wonder?

“€œGaudeamus Igitur?”€

“He’€™s got a gladius and he’€™s okay, he sleeps all night and he fights all day?”€

That’ll frighten the Carthaginian hordes,* eh?

No wonder the Romans lost.

Chris Martin? More like Ricky Martin.

(*The Carthaginian hordes were actually severely outnumbered.)