Euro 2016, Round of 16, Stade de Nice, 27/6/16.

It’s hard not to think that there’s some sort of karma about this result. After England voting to leave the EU (loosely referred to as Europe) its football team has just departed Europe unwillingly.

The commentator on ITV called it a humiliation and also used the word embarrassment. The unspoken assumption (though it was all but articulated) was that England should always be beating Iceland.

Well; to anyone who had watched Iceland’s group games this was no surprise. Iceland are supremely well organised, the players know what they’re supposed to be doing and play for the team and each other. They drew with Portugal and group winners Hungary and then beat Austria, well fancied before the tournament began. If that wasn’t sufficient warning as to what to expect what would be? Using words such as embarrassment and humiliation is extremely disrespectful to a group of players who work their socks off and have no little ability. I expect France will also find it hard to break them down in the next round.

Iceland know their limitations and strengths, and play to them; as a team. The same was true of Italy earlier in what was a magnificent team performance against Spain.

In this respect it is also hard to resist the temptation to remark that English football commentators have an inflated idea of the worth of their country’s footballers based on club performances. Just reflect, not one of those players is good enough to play for an overseas team. They appear effective at club level only because they are surrounded by foreign players who make them look good. And the clubs of the league they play in have not made too much of a splash in the so-called Champions League of late. (OK, Liverpool made the final of the Europa League this season but that was mostly due to foreigners, manager included.)

England’s most penetrative player tonight was an 18 year old who was only brought on to the pitch when it was far too late and has in any case not yet had the enthusiasm and any latent talent knocked out of him by unwarranted expectation.

Champions (sic) League (sic) Final, Wembley Stadium, 25/5/13.

For the first half hour this had sucker punch written all over it. Bayern barely featured. After Weidenfeller saved Manzukić’s header, though, things evened out.

Amazingly for a final, it was quite a good game; fairly open with both teams not afraid to go forward. Despite him setting up the first goal I found myself wondering if Arjen Robben was a luxury Bayern couldn’t afford. Then, of course, he goes and scores the winner.

I don’t suppose it was the wrong result given that Bayern’s goals were both from open play. The penalty wasn’t in dispute and Gündoğan put it away well.

Not quite a classic though. There weren’t enough swings in fortune for that.

Champions (sic) League (sic) Semi-Final, first leg. Stamford Bridge, 18/4/12.

Paint drying.

(I only watched the second half, but still.)

There has been much wailing and gnashing of teeth in the realm of Scottish football over the results of the qualifiers for the Europa Laegue.

After the first leg comprehensive horsing of Hearts by Spurs and the draw and defeat for the ugly sisters (Rangers and Celtic for those who don’t share the disregard in which they are held by Scotland’s real football fans in the lower divisions) the BBC Scotland Saturday football airwaves were full of doom and gloom.

Since this Thursday and the – extremely predictable – elimination of all three Scottish clubs this rose to a cacophony on Radio Scotland this afternoon as I was making my way to New Bayview.

Most contributors seemed to be under the illusion that somehow or other the natural order of things had been upset and that Scottish clubs owed it to the country (or the fans, or something or other not entirely clear) always to survive these early rounds.

Well, ask yourselves. When was the last time a Scottish club outwith the Old Firm won a two-legged qualification tie? Motherwell was it, against Llanelli? And did they survive the next round? While I do remember Aberdeen doing well when Jimmy Calderwood was their manager, that was a good few years ago now. Most others have been deposited on their backsides very quickly indeed. And that is where Scottish football is and has been for a long time. This is the competition the Old Firm has to beat (and finds it ridiculously easy to do so by and large.)

This set of results has been coming down the pipe for a long time.

And they are perhaps to be expected from a small, poor country on the north-west periphery of Europe.

The riches pouring down on those clubs – and the leagues where they play – which habitually inhabit the knock-out stages of the so-called Champions League from television rights make this a circumstance not easy to alter.

That is where a lot of the disfunction lies. The Champions League is a monstrous carbuncle on the body of football ensuring (with only a few exceptions) the same old teams divi up the rewards between themselves. Only a Russian oligarch or oil-rich sheikh can have any hope of upsetting the apple cart.

Had the Champions League never been invented the world of football would be a purer, more innocent place. But Scottish football at the highest level would still be a self-serving, myopic miasma.

Champions League Final, Wembley Stadium, 28/5/11

Apart from the first ten minutes there didn’t look to be a chance of one team (United) winning, since Barcelona were so much in control. Even the equaliser didn’t change anything: all that did was restore the status quo ante. Had United scored first things might have been different.

Barcelona reminded me a bit of playground bullies who would snaffle your ball and just play about with it among themselves. It’s unfair really. Give the other side a chance, can’t you?

The result was we did not witness a classic. I doubt I’ll remember this by the end of next week.

A memorable football match requires both sides to be on a more or less even footing, for both to be in with a shout. When one side is dominant, all the tension, the necessary uncertainty, is drained away. We are left with a steamroller, remorselessly flattening the opposition.

Barney Ronay in The Guardian put forward a similar view on Saturday.

The Barcelona juggernaut is impressive. But somehow it manages to remove all the excitement.

UEFA Europa League* Final, Dublin Arena (Aviva Stadium), 18/5/11.

Another disappointing final – as they so often are. Why do teams approach a one-off game as if they are going to get a second chance?

Okay, Braga managed to defeat Benfica in the semi-final by dint of not attacking very much but this was not a two-legged tie and they weren’t going to have home advantage for half of it. As it was they waited till they were one goal down before making any effort to attack.

In the second half they were more than able to hold Porto. Who knows? Had they gone at Porto from the start they might have got something from the game. If you’re going to lose anyway why not try to win instead?

It wasn’t much of an advert for the Europa League, which usually has more entertaining games than the utterly turgid Champions League the final of which, a week on Saturday, will in all probability be another dull watch.

*Like EUFA’s so-called Champions League this is another “league” which isn’t.

UEFA Champions League (sic) semi-final, first leg, Santiago Bernabeu Stadium, Madrid, 27/4/11

This season’s quarter-finals notwithstanding, matches in the so-called Champions League are frequently sterile affairs with teams tending to cancel each other out. There is perhaps too much at stake for the football to be anything but efficient and relatively unimaginative.

This exemplified the trend. This was unedifying watching at best, ugly at worst. A petty, ill-tempered, niggly, fractious affair. A playground tiff interrupted by flashes of football. The residue of too many games between these two in the recent past I suppose.

The play-acting was reprehensible and the questioning of the referee’s decisions went too far; not to mention him being mobbed at times. And as for players asking officials to show cards – red or yellow – to opponents, well it’s about time this was made an offence in itself. If I was a ref I’d be tempted to treat it as dissent and act accordingly. But then I suppose a ref who did this would not stay a ref for long.

In the end we got three sendings off – one of a player who, due to a fight among the subs at half time, never even set foot on the pitch!

The home side played defensively – and still lost. They might also have lost if they had tried to attack but the spectacle would have been more bearable. Whether the imbalance of numbers made the telling difference to the result is of course difficult to assess.

As it was Jose Mourinho’s tactics were far from what the name of Real Madrid is supposed to stand for, a betrayal of the club’s attacking traditions.

The beautiful game this was not.

Except for one flash of genius which wasn’t enough to redeem what had gone before.

Champions League,* Ibrox Stadium, 24/11/10

Paint could have watched this game dry.

What a (lack of) advert for the football tournament proclaimed to be the world’s best. Even better than the World Cup, forsooth.

I don’t normally bother with it, in televised club football I prefer Europa League – UEFA Cup as was – matches; but this was a Scotland-England contest. Or rather it was a seven-or-eight-plodding-Scots-plus-some-equally-plodding-mercenaries – bunch of overhighly-paid-mercenaries-made-to-look-pedestrian contest.

I’ve seen football that was more creative in the Scottish Third Division.

* So-called.

Champions League Final, Santiago Bernabeu Stadium, Madrid, 22/5/10

Finals are rarely exciting games. This one lived up to that billing.

Bayern were never able to get at Inter. Whether it was the absence of Franck Ribéry or not, they threaded too many attacks through Arjen Robben. This was despite the fact that Hamit Altıntop was having more joy down the left than Robben was on the right. I thought it was a strange substitution by Louis Van Gaal to replace him. Inter were well set up to counter Robben’s efforts and looked more vulnerable via Altintop.

Diego Milito and Wesley Sneijder linked well for Inter and the goals were beautifully taken.

So the special one succeeds again.

He does seem to get the best out of players.

Edited to add:- For a major final the first goal was very route 1.

Old Trafford, 25/11/09

I’ve just watched the second half of the “Champions League” match on TV tonight.

And what a deeply dispiriting experience it was. Totally devoid of interest and, apart from a flurry in added time, any spectacle whatever. I was knackered, though, and couldn’t be bothered even switching channels

I know Utd fielded their Carling Cup side but Besiktas are on a seven game unbeaten run in Turkey.

So this is what passes for high class football? Both teams were entirely run-of-the-mill.

And Rangers were knocked out of this competition last night.

I don’t normally bother with these “big” teams live on TV. If this is what’s on offer I’m glad I don’t pay the Rupert tax and ITV’s viewing figures for their flagship football programme will surely decline.

I genuinely get more entertainment from watching Dumbarton in the Second Division. Hell, even in the Third. Partly that’s the live experience, being involved, shouting encouragement, decryng the ref and assistants, partly the emotional involvement. But the whole package is so much less hyped and more grounded. (Even a humping you can resign yourself to as being good for the soul.)

What I saw tonight was highly paid professional players being unable to pass the ball to a colleague, or make a cross get past the first defender, or running up blind alleys. Not likely to make me want to come back for more.

*I know the result was 0-1 but the goal was in the first half. The second was all I saw and it was a snooze-fest.