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Indiana Wants Me

What was it with sixties/seventies song writers and murderers?

The Green, Green Grass Of Home and the Bee Gees’ Gotta Get A Message To You both feature convicts on Death Row and R Dean Taylor’s Indiana Wants Me, someone on the run. Another song occupying this territory is Elton John’s Have Mercy On The Criminal from the Don’t Shoot Me I’m Only The Piano Player album but in that one it’s not clear whether the convict is a murderer or not.

(There are bound to be more examples of this sort of thing but I can’t bring them to mind at the moment.)

Is it just a cheap shot at sentimentality like the use of motor cycle accidents in Twinkle’s Terry and the Shangri-Las’ Leader Of The Pack?

Indiana Wants Me in particular has a shocking first line; by which I do not mean it’s a bad line – on the contrary, it’s a very good first line** – but that the sentiment it expresses is reprehensible; one which no-one ought to think, still less act on.

R Dean Taylor did go in for sound effects, though, didn’t he? There were the tyres in Gotta See Jane, and listen to the howl of the sirens in this one.

R Dean Taylor: Indiana Wants Me

**It was the best of lines, it was the worst of lines.

East Stirlingshire 3-1 Dumbarton

Ochilview, 28/2/09

I’ve waited 24 hours to post this and I’m still angry.

I paid my money yesterday to watch a football game. I got a farce instead.

Quite simply I witnessed the worst refereeing decision of my life; and that is no mean achievement as the competition up to now has been fierce.

1-1 and Dumbarton running the game. The Shire finally get upfield and Andy Rodgers throws himself to the ground. Free-kick – for which the ref was conned.

But that wasn’t the worst decision.

From the free-kick the ball eventually gets into the box and a Shire player lets it run away from him. There was no contact with the defending player. One second later the Shire player decides to fall down. When the ref blew I thought he was going to book him for diving. But he’s given a penalty. A penalty! It wasn’t even a joke award. It was completely and utterly baffling. Beyond ridiculous. Even the Shire fans on Pie And Bovril don’t know what it was for. Two scandalous (I mean that word literally) decisions in a row, both to our detriment. In the resulting protestations Mark Canning got booked. The BBC report even more mystifyingly says the award was for a hand-ball. But the ref played on till the Shire man threw himself down. You don’t play advantage for a handball in the box, surely? You give it straight away.
Not a single Shire player appealed for anything. Neither did their crowd. That tells a story in itself.

The penalty was scored and from then on there was precious little point in Dumbarton continuing playing as the players and fans knew they were not going to get anything from the ref. They did try, though, and we lost a third goal because we were chasing the game.

At half-time my report would have been different…..

20 mins in I would have taken 1-0. For the Shire.

The goal was conceded direct from a needlessly given away free kick, and neither wall nor goalkeeper covered themselves in glory. And yes, it is nice to have a plan B, humping it up to McLaughlin – who gave us a very decent hold-up or flick on option, but not to the exclusion of everything else. But in that 20 mins Dumbarton were awarded not one single free-kick.

At half-time we should have been 4-2 up as we dominated the latter part; even though they hit the woodwork twice. The 4 would have included the blatant penalty we weren’t given when Ross Clark was pushed in the back in the box; a much more obvious foul than the one Shire got in our last encounter at Ochilview. The Shire keeper had several good saves; one incredible one. We lost Ben Gordon with what looked a broken nose or cheek bone and then Ross Clark started limping before half time and didn’t reappear. Oh, and not once, but twice, Andy Rodgers ran up to prevent Dumbarton taking a free-kick quickly. Both times he received neither booking nor warning.

Dumbarton should have won this game. In all the Shire keeper had six good saves, the other notable one in the second half with a one-on-one. That we didn’t was because we didn’t score more than once.

That we lost it, though, was due to refereeing decisions. The penalty in particular.

I don’t normally blame the ref for things but this was so outrageous I can not believe it was done innocently.

Seriously, is there no way we can get our money back under the Trades Descriptions Act or something? That wasn’t a referee. That was a complete and utter clown. Or worse. Dumbarton should ask – should insist – never to be refereed by him again.

But it wasn’t a good way to start the punishing schedule of matches. By the end of Tuesday night we could be fifth.

It’s going to be hard even to make the play-offs.

And isn’t Andy Rodgers a scabrous excuse for a footballer?

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